Two Songs

Chuckle....... you have to be joking.... only two........
One was tough and a toss up for a variety of reasons, they both speak to me, on different levels.  And one enough to make me want to pick up my guitar and start playing again.

1.  Dreaming Tree- David J. Matthews

My second choice was even tougher once again, because of my love of so many songs.... from my youth , my distant past..... and on and on...... but there was one I have always loved... oop make that two again that I  can listen to and find deep meaning in both and both speak to me about God, life and love.  A hope of how things should be, but sometimes are and then, hope again and a reminder.

2.  Grace- U2 written by Paul Hewson aka Bono

If you don't do anything else, listen to the lyrics of Grace.  My other choice by U2 was One.  Always been a winner for me and I love the One campaign and MDG's.

Lights out Gracie.

Getting Down To The Wire- Three Films

The word films implies a little something more that "just a movie"..... and God knows there are some bad movies out there.  Which explains why I don't watch many, the ones I do like tend to be older ones.  Blah blah.
But I'm going to make my list and then throw some add ons in.

1.  Moonstruck- film? Nope.  But it has love, opera, crazy Italians and things I could relate to in my life.

2.  City of Angels- the original subtitled starring Peter Falk... dang good movie.  I like the newer one too, because I like the music from it.

3.  The Mission- just because


Now, having said those  I like anything Robin Williams is in... if you haven't seen What Dreams May Come.... buckle in... it's a ride.  He's versatile, talented and a little underrated as an actor.  He's been in some great movies.
Meet Joe Black.  I never liked Brad Pitt until I saw that movie.  I like Anthony Hopkins and ended up watching it accidently.... I still like it.  I love the end.
Pulp Fiction- I like Travolta dance which leads me to Michael... another one that's got it all, love, God, dancing, music and a dog.  What else is there?  And Aretha singing Chain of Fools and Travolta dancing, oh and pie.....
Boondock Saints- don't even ask.  It's just good.
Silence of the Lambs
Children of a Lesser God..... great movie.
Anything southern..... Steel Magnolias, The Color Purple, Fried Green Tomatoes
Most DeNiro films

What I have not seen:  The Titanic, Gangs of NY, anything out in the last 5 years..... I don't like going to movie theaters.  I don't like remakes of classics, colorized versions and scary movies.  I don't like Sci-Fi.

and thus endeth the list.

Four Reads

Tough one.... so I have to wing it..... I love books and love to read.  But I'm picky.  Duh.

1.  Velvet Elvis- Rob Bell

2.  The Book Thief-Markus Zusak

3.  The New Union Prayer Book- Reformed Jewish Prayer Book

4.  Conversations With God- Donald Neale Walsh Books 1, 2 &3

I really wanted to write song lyrics..... they can be like books.  they tell stories.  They have a beginning, middle and an end.  Much like a book.  They paint pictures.  Create images.  Leave lasting impressions and make you think.  Like books.  They have a lot in common.

that's it from me... short and sweet.

Five Foods

I was almost tempted to write about 5 foods I don't like, but then I wasn't sure there were 5 because I like almost all foods.  There are only a couple things I refuse to eat, both of those ethnic things and I'm not into Thai food.  I don't like all the coconut and sweet crap.  And I don't really have a fondness for red pizza.  That because I got food poisoning once from the tomato sauce, which I'm not crazy about either.  Give me high fat, creamy cheesy anyday.  I love BBQ pizza.  Hey that just about covers my non foods...onto better things.

1.  Prime rib with yorkshire pudding- normally a holiday meal for most people.  We had it more often.  Not always with the pudding.  If you don't  know what the pudding is, it's simply popover batter poured into the drippings of the meat fat and baked after the meat comes out.  What you end up with is a light fluffy pan of dough that is flavored by the fat and meat and the best thing ever.  I usually dive for that first. I like the crispy edges.  If you ever eat here, I'll make it for you.... yum.  This would include rib eye steaks too, on the grill, medium rare.  Served with #4.

2.  Pie- mincemeat at the top of the list... my own, from scratch.  Mincemeat gets a bad rap because #1 it sounds gross and people recall hearing about it back eons ago when it was made with meat... and suet.  All it is are apples, raisins and spices thickened with cornstarch and a splash of brandy.  I make good pie crust, I learned from my granny.  Half the battle to pie is the crust. No, 99%.

3.  Anything my granny cooked- yeah, I know.... but the top two are apple strudel and fried potatoes, always cooked in bacon grease.  The best.  Every house should have a bacon grease cup.

4.  Potatoes- mashed, fried, dumplings I don't care... I love them.  I don't eat them as often as I used to, but I love them.

5.  Fried chicken- mine.  No explanation required.

I love so many different things, food for me evokes so many memories, as I'm sure it does everyone.  I love BBQ, gumbo and pilau.  I love liver and onions.  Noodle kugel and deviled eggs.  I love eggs.  I don't eat french toast, pancakes or waffles.  I didn't grow up on it.  I love toast, dunked in coffee.  I love homemade yeast doughnuts and fried dough.  That was always a fall treat growing up.  When I lived in No. Fla. I used to fry dough for my neighbors girls for Halloween... they loved it.  So did we grown ups.  I always cooked it outside in my Moms old electric frying pan.  The best.  I love stone crabs and mangrove snapper, fresh dolphin and sea bass.  I love love love Maine lobster, must be eaten in Maine... with lots of butter.  I love butter, cheese and all things dairy.  I love veggies.  Cashews and raisins.  I love my marinated grilled lamb, coveted by many.... when I have company, this is something they expect to be served.  If you don't like lamb, you'll love this... cuz ya don't know what you're eating.  It doesn't say Baaaa!!!  I love food.  Period.  End of discussion.   I gotta go clean up a sermon for a friend.... I'm done and now hungry.

There are places I'll remember,

All my life, though some have changed
some forever, not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I can still recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life, I've loved them all.


I make my list over and over in my head, always repeating the same few, while adding and removing some others.  Reasons why, I don't know.  6 places.... I laugh to myself.  I think anatomical?  Geographical?  Local, Far away, the daily grind places.  Then I tell myself it doesn't matter.  Just stop thinking and write em down.

1.  My back.  I love my back.  We all have things we don't like about our appearance.  Sometimes we're hard pressed to state something we love about our outward appearance.  But I do, love my back.  I like the way it looks, long muscular (in a girlie way) and the way it curves right in the places it's supposed to.  It's tan, there are freckles than dot my shoulders.  My shoulders are wide and my upper back broad compared to my tiny frame.  But not too wide, just enough for carrying, working and of course swimming.

2.  The ocean of south Florida.  My beach here.  My home, my space, my peace, my church, refuge.  It is holy and sacred.  The color of the water goes beyond my ability to describe, only to say close your eyes and imagine every blue and green in the spectrum and more... that is the  water.  It changes in a moment.  Even when rough and angry, she is still beautiful and it seems that during those times is when she vomits up the most beautiful of her gifts.  She is unpredictable, dangerous, calm and she can take your life, while at the same time giving it.

3.  Marilla, New York  the tiny no town, place I was born.  On a farm in a very rural area in western New York State.  Outside of Buffalo.  I grew up steeped in my eastern european culture, where people still farmed with horses.  My first 4 years of school I went to a 4 room school house.  We all pretty much dressed the same, ate similar foods and there was a certain standard of ethic there.  There was also a tremendous amount of fun, laughter and love.  There is nothing so sweet as getting squirted in the face by your Grandpa milking a cow, telling you to get busy.  I love that place.  When my parents uprooted me from there, part of my world crashed.

4.  Austin, Texas-  I find it ironic we all have links to Texas.  How weird is that?  It really struck me after reading Beth's post, not knowing she too had lived there.  I went to Baylor.  There I developed a love of a lot of places in Eastern Tx.  But I love Austin, the food, Zilker Park, the river, it was always so clean to me.  It was "the" place we went to to get away.  Not to Padre, not to my room mates Moms to crash for the weekend.... No, Austin was more adult like to us. I can't explain it any better than that.  Second on that list is San Antonio... another town I love, learned to love.... having spent time there too.

5.  Jackson Hole, Wyoming.  Hell the whole state, throw Montana in there too.  My first experience at the beauty of fly fishing and real mountains... that weren't in Colorado.  Jackson has a different swing.  The elevation is mood altering, you never get tired and never want to sleep.  And you can get a hell of a sun burn there.  While it has more than it's share of tourism, I have met some of the nicest people there in the world.  The locals are earthy, friendly and welcoming. The water temperature is bone numbing and not one day goes by you don't have to hit the brakes to let some other worldly creature cross the road.  People there love that place and it is treated with love and care.  My heart did a great deal of healing there after Gary died.  It is and always will be one of my favorite places ever.

6.  I want to say here, my home, that's a given though.  Virginia...  I love Williamsburg, Beth lives close by.  I almost went to William and Mary (sometimes I still wish I had).  Fred-burg, the best coffee shop and sweet roll place in the world.  A  drug store that still has a lunch counter, you can get cream cheese and olive sandwiches on homemade bread and a real ice cream float or milkshake.  You can walk.  It's historic.  The churches are amazing and again, the people are so very different.  And then, there is the family farm outside Culpeper.... a place I love so much.... my tree, my room, my horse.  The creek, old quilts to lay under the tree and sleep.  Homemade ice cream and biscuits with real honey from the man down in town.  Agnes, the 80 something girdle wearing, whiskey sipping bridge playing friend of dead man walkings Mom.  A legend in her own right.... you don't need a snowblower when Agnes comes to the house... she plows her own path, refuses to use the shoveled sidewalk up to the door and needs some tea (always served with a shot glass) to warm up, while she stands in the foyer shaking the snow out of her undergarments... mumbling under her breath, while we are stand and laugh.  Gentile.... not a chance. The illusion of maybe... but I wouldn't mess with her.

Those are my places, as they stand at this moment.  In a half  hour I could change my mind.  There are so many places that mean something to me, something more than just a place to visit or where a friend lives or a vacation was had.  The list is too long.... and yeah, while I still grossly dislike northern Florida, my heart still aches for our farm there and my husband, our animals and our way of life.  But I am not an inlander, and this is my home.  The water.  I spent my life here, after my parents yanked me from the security of where I was born.  My mother said to me once, we are water people.  Indeed I am.

Seven Wants?

Rach is right, these do get harder.  I want, I don't want..... want, desire.... need.... lump them all in a pile.
Heavy sigh, deep breath.... hit it...

1.  I got this in my head form Rachel pointing out about people no longer writing letters.  I'm with her on that one.  I still write letters.  Want?  I want people to pick up the phone and call.  Don't e mail me, message me, whatever me.  I don't check my e mail all the time, and I don't like to e mail.  I don't live on my cell phone or my computer.... I have a life.  Call me, make some human contact, hear a voice.  If you want to be heard.  If not, sit and stare at the computer screen.  Enough said.

2.  Life.  I want to continue on the path that Papa has put me on, the continue to grow, listen, be quiet, pay attention, love, and be the foolish the child he created me to be.

3.  I want to go back to school and I also want to go back to teach.  Right now I sub for a friend.  It works. I had planned to go back this term.  Now I am shooting for next term.  I  feel like by then my health will allow me to give my full attention and energy to it.  And to do both.  It's going to require some strategy here juggling, but will see what happens.  Teaching again is a must for me... it's just another spiritual channel for me.

4.  I want to stop saying I am tired.  :)  And I will.... I don't know if I mentioned it but my count came up one whole point.  That's HUGE!!  Huge!  So Dr Smellgood and I are totally psyched over that.

5.  I want to go back to Israel for a couple months to see my friends.  The cultural immersion is incredible.

6.  I want the people I love to stop getting cancer.  I do the whole "death and dying" thing pretty well.  Makes me an asset in many situations.  But honestly, I'm sick of people dying.  I'm sick of people I love more than my own life going through this shit.

7.  I want my life back.  (see #4)  I want to sit at the bar with Dave again and drink coffee and talk about nonsense.  I want.....

I want.... there's a huge difference between wanting and needing.  In my eyes.  Needs... I have a few absolutes.  Wanting....  I don't know.  One thing I didn't mention that just hit my radar too, is that I want to be a little more spontaneous.  I am to an extent.  And I am getting better at it.... but I need (and want) that, if only for myself.

Done.  I hope next week is something easier, like infinite numbers or the human genome project.

The over the edge Eight

To start off with I am having a shit day.  Some days are shit, but it's just basic shit.  This has been a day from hell shit day.  I have a lot on my plate and not much of it seems palatable at the moment.  I am distressed and angry.  Neither of which suit me well, and I am not sure how to deal with these things.  The anger came from nowhere.   Excuse me, it came from somewhere inside me, from a place too deep to point at.  I had an acupuncture treatment after my 3 hours at the Dr. this morning to try and refocus.  It helped a lot.  I am now somewhere close to where Gordon is, standing in the middle of the flatland and not even interested enough to doodle in the dirt, not quite yet.  On that note.  Let me hop on my broom and fly through those things which I fear.

1.  Easy..... losing my independence because of my health.   I don't think that even needs an explanation.

2.  Not having a roof over my head.  My fear of not being able to provide for myself.  Because historically it did happen to me after my husband died.  And although since then, I have bought a home totally of my own, on my own, by myself.  I fear perhaps unrealistically it happening again.

3.  At times, lately, my own anger that seems to be surfacing.  That I know I need to address.

4.  Brown recluse spiders

5.  Crying in front of others.... I'm maybe not afraid of that, it's uncomfortable for me, let me rephrase it,

losing control crying in fronts.  

6.  Losing control

7.  memory failure

8.  Wasps, hornets and things that sting unmercifully.

That's it.... that was a huge stretch for me tonight especially.  I'm not really afraid of a lot of things.  And my biggest ones are all sort of looped together in one long strand.  A domino sort of thing.  One thing I could add which probably is at the top of the list... is not being able to get to the water... to see the ocean, to touch it, to be there.  It is the one place in my life that I feel totally plugged in and at peace and present before Papa.  It feeds my soul.  

I'm done.  Tomorrow's another day.  And prayerfully a better one.

Nine Things I Love

In accordance with the scriptures I am doing my Monday duty and writing nine things I love.  This one is a tough one, it's tough to narrow down only nine.  Maybe.... maybe not.   Well that said, let me see how I do.

1.  God (that was easy) aka Papa.
2.  The ocean (because God lives there)
3.  The beach (because it's with the ocean and God is there too) including all the treasure I find.
4.  My life
5.  Music music music....
6.  My church
7.  Writing with paper and pen, anything paper... moleskine
8.   Coffee and a smoke cognac and a cigar with my cousin
9.   My friends


See now I didn't get to list my two nephews.   All the beauty that lives in the ocean, rescuing baby sea turtles, swimming with manatees, swimming in general.... The sun and the moon and their co-dependent relationship.  Kissing.  Teaching.  Playing guitar with my nephew and my friends... mainly my nephew.
Learning.  Reading.  Enough..... I've said enough.  I have enough, I am enough.

Day 1 of # 10 Challenge- Secrets.

Mindy had this great idea and doing it over the course of 10 weeks is even cooler.  This weeks topic is secrets.  And as I'm walking on the beach a little while ago getting rained on, trying to think, exactly what secrets do I have?  And does half knowledge count... then I'm thinking well, this is more like self disclosure.  Which I have huge issues with.  So accordingly, I'll make that secret #1.

1.  Self disclosure-  while I am absolutely very verbal, I am also very touchy about self disclosure  and protecting my privacy.  I will tell what I want you to know.  Which to leads to #2.

2.  I am sicker than I tell people.  There are people, yes even friends  and family,  that are clueless about what is going on with me.  I do this for several reasons.  I never ever want to be seen as a "sick" person.  I am healthy person who has a life threatening and life limiting illness.  Period.  I am not my disease.

3.  Last year someone I know and cared deeply about physically assaulted me.  No one else knows except my clergy and the psychologist I went to after the fact.  It happened  right around the time I started my treatment.  This round of chemo caused me to be depressed.  So the Dr.  put me on Prozac.  That's how I ended up at the psychologist.  She never really addressed the issue.  I am (was) a nurse, I have a BA in psych and an MA in Theology.  Nothing prepares you for something like that.  It's freaking humiliating.

4.  I ran off and got married after I graduated from high school.  My parents had the marriage annulled by the family lawyer.  I was 17,  just turned, and on my way to college.  So was he, we thought it was practical.

5.  Food stamps?  Yup.  Bankruptcy?  That too.  Live on 180.00 a month?  uh-huh.  Friends put roof over head so I can live?  Yep.  My husbands illness and death devastated us.  I was sick too, and unable to take care of myself.  That whole experience taught my independent little ass, that was always giving and doing for others how to receive and do it graciously.

6.  I tell people I am fine when I am not.  My Dad loved to point that one out.  And I say I don't care when I do.  Although, sometimes I actually don't care.  That confuses people.

7.  My mother was a drunk.  I come from a family (on her side) of drunks.  And I hate dealing with drunks.  I can co dependent bull shit and mile and run like a maniac, because I hate it that much.

8.  For as flip as I am and as bad as my mouth can get (it's better than it was), I am deeply rooted spiritually.  I am not religious.  I am spiritual.  I am deeply connected to God and he is the only thing that matters truly in my life.  And I don't believe in the triune.  As it stands.  And I'm not even going to qualify it.

9.  Relating to the above, I am a first class introvert, all the way.  I do alone extremely.  I am happy alone.  I love being alone.  Enough said.

10.  I really wasn't wearing underwear when I was sitting in the bar at Breakers talking to Dave Matthews.... I simply forgot to put them on.  Yes I was wearing a dress.  Yes he really does have the softest hands.  (And the sweetest face)

Wordless Wednesday

Not Annie Dillard

In many Eastern traditions, the world of nature is considered to be maya, or illusion, while in other Eastern and Global South traditions, nature is mother. Western tradition has often teetered between the assertion that nature is God’s good creation and that it has been “frustrated” by human sin. In more recent times, the world around us has been regarded as the expression of random selection and chance. Explore some aspect of nature (as in the non-human world) and write a short piece (fiction, poem, mini-essay) in which your descriptions reflect and reveal your philosophical understanding of nature..."without actually stating directly what your philosophical position is."


Yeah....... I must have written about this topic a million times, although not in this manner... well, perhaps yes.




I wait for that moment when my toes will meet
the waters edge, waiting just for me,
it is there that I know who I am


I look up and speak words out into the air 
sometimes silently, some times aloud
I can feel my body shift as it becomes
a part of the water, before I enter I am there


Walking along, I glimpse signs of life and death, 
shells that once held something living, now vomited up
as a gift to that one and one alone who will find it lovely
and gather it to keep


Visible signs of life, baby sea turtles, urchins and crabs
all there before me and as I look I see myself in them
I am part of this too, it is in me and of me
there are dangers here coral rock and sea life
unable to identify me - seeing me as a source of food
biting, scraping, rashing.... smiling I think much like life
on the other side of the dune
a different world?  No it is the the same.  All things come of beauty, 
it is for me to see with new eyes, to watch, to become.

His Eyes

This was half a prompt in a way by Lois.... wanting me to expound on something I had written on the men topic.  I wrote the following maybe two years or so ago... when my life started to change, I started to change and maybe that's enough said for now.


He watches her
the child
playing in the hose
eyes fixed on her wanting
to be with her there
playing

His eyes close as the hose rises
to her head
as it tilts back into the sun
golden shimmers sparkle
in his eyes
he sees what he sees
that in his mind
the child
playing in the hose

The beads run down her back
he looks
closer
wanting to be that water
the bead
that slowly runs along the curve
staring
He moves toward her
the child

She smiles
as she moves
within the water
laughing
she remembers
how it feels on her skin
the trickle

He moves close to her
to reach
to touch
wanting what he sees
that golden sparkle
Her eyes fixed on him
say
come
come to me
come play with me
the child

What Are You Missing?

“Our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak.  We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea.  We are far too easily pleased.” — C.S. Lewis

Wordless Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday

Signs of Life

When Lois threw feet out this week for a topic, I cringed a little... I love my feet... but the past couple of months have been hellish, having a wound that would not heal from a run in with the reef, and a few other things... not only did it look bad it was painful.  Required time, care, dressings... etc... shoe choices limited blah blah...  I was starting to get a little obsessed with my feet.  Yeah, weird I know.

This week was a week the likes of which I wish I would never see or experience again, although there were many good things, I went through a couple of traumatic and emotional days.  Actually started the end of last week... but yet... the ocean is my refuge, I shall not want.

Monday, heading into my huge nose dive on Tuesday, came from Dr. and really didn't want to go to the beach... I knew the wind was up, meant surf up, which for me means no swimming, which is what I both need and want.  And would have been great, but then I thought, I just go take a walk...  ocean air blows the cobwebs and crap from my brain... I always come home clear headed and attitude adjusted.... it's my alone time with Papa.  So the erosion is bad so my walk is limited, which was okay, I hunting treaures... looking... turned around and headed back and there in the seaweed, tangled in a mess was the tiniest baby sea turtle I had ever seen, so newly born he still had part of his umbilicus attached.  He was lifeless and on his back.  I believe in giving a proper burial at the least.  I picked him up and placed him gently in my palm... I thought I saw him move... but you know how that goes... I spoke softly to him, whisper.  I touch his tiny front flipper and swore it moved.  I turn him over and can see him pulse.  He is alive.  Still holding and talking telling him I was going to bring him home, so fearful of cutting him loose in that surf.... 6-8 feet at least.... with wicked rip... but I am in one of my favorite spots, which is another reef area where the surf breaks out further and the waves are less severe.  I am still staring, talking, touching, crooning sweet words to him, and then, he lifts up his head and looks from side to side.    I walk slowly down to the water with him... mumbling all the while to Papa about letting him go... blah blah... I bend down and place him gently there.. the waves calm for a moment and off he goes... those tiny little flippers... such a wee baby.
I have a flashback to my early nursing career, I worked Pediatrics.   We didn't have neo-natal care like today,  anyone who was anything other than a normal birth was flown out to the Univ. hospitals... I flew with them quite often.  We used to stimulate newborns with low apgar's  by flicking the bottoms of their feet...  a way to illicit a response.  I have flicked many a newborn foot.... quite often the infant would respond... some didn't.  What it did was give us a quick snapshot of where this newborn was,  it was a way to check, to look for signs of life and response.  Touching that flipper, and flicking the foot of a newborn... life.... signs of life.  Reminders.  Funny thing was too, I had my toes done on thursday and my feet look better to me...
Feet to me hold much symbolism, for many reasons..  "shake the dust off your feet and move on"  touching someone's feet.  A sign of humility, to kneel and care for someone feet.  Are they connected to our souls, our own and everyone elses.... flippers included.  Reminders.

Why-What-How and all the rest is commentary

Why I Write?


It's what I do.   Every single day, sometimes several times a day.  I journal and have since I can remember.   To me there is nothing like a paper and a pen... nothing takes the place of that.  Nothing.
I always keep two going in tandem.  I write I suppose for the reasons people who tend to be introspective and contemplative do.  I pound things out.  I dump.  I rant, rave, emote, detail, dissect, ponder, and when I'm done, I usually do it all again.  I don't ruminate as badly as I used to.  I think the older you get, the more you let go of.  Your focus narrows on what's really important to you alone.  For me, it helps keep me focused, balanced and centered which is very important to me.  It keeps me tuned in spiritually.  Writing and the water... pretty much says it all.  It's a place for me to speak my truth and honor who I am.  And it gives me a deeper understanding in places that at times, I may fall short.  Keeps me tuned.

What do I expect?


I don't have any expectations from myself, let me restate that. I don't enjoy typing as a method of communication.  So this is a little challenging for me.  Umm... but too, I miss the circle that we formed back whenever... sharing and learning from each other.  Friends... we become along the way.  And to continue that process is probably something we all need.  We might need a little deeper and personal than what we ate for dinner on facebook.  Oh and it'll give us a nice space in which we can all pull our proverbial pants done, show our backsides, and not fear being judged.  Because we're all the same.

How it makes me feel?


Unsure how to answer that one... I'm pretty up front about most things.  I'm kind of a no bull shit person.
On the other hand I am also very private and believe it or not, quiet.  Most of you guys know me fairly well enough to know how I am.  I make jokes and use humor to defray stress a great  of the time.  It helps hide my fear or anxiety.  Most of the time, I am funny... at least to myself.  I am at a place in my life, where I don't care much about what other people think.... the only thing that sits front and center for me, is my relationship with Papa.  I try to keep that in front of me.  Always.  I don't deny my feelings, I just need some major reminders at times that "they" don't matter.  I  do...  I matter, to me and to God.  Enough said on that.

Why have I fallen out of practice?


Number of reasons, I had a blog.. dumped it.  Started another one after talking with Diane about it... but had other things going on which took my attention and were priority rather than sitting and typing.  I was still journalling, I just couldn't park my can to blog.  I was teaching, so the work I did on the computer was usually class related and the last thing I wanted to do was type more.  And I started playing guitar again, which as you guys know, music is a passion and playing was such a beautiful outlet for me.... it's a real "feel good" thing.  I was dealing with health issues.  Serious ones.  I was living in a place I hated, put my house on the market and took two years, but it sold and I moved back home.  Being home.... the water... my church....  I didn't "need" to blog.... I didn't even really read them... I'd read a few here and there.... but I just wasn't into it.  And still dealing with some health issues... that can be at times (she chuckles crazily under her breath and groans) disgusting, and damn irritating to me... and yeah, they are life threatening... but they annoy the crap out me.  No, the Dr's annoy the crap out of me.  End of rant.

Doing it professionally/vs fun?


Oh no, this is brief..... neither.  Not professionally.... and I wouldn't say fun.... I  would more for the connection.... keeps the loop together.

Hiding from my real life?


How could I possibly hide from my life?  Nope.  Not  a chance....  I am laughing.  What is my real life?
Who  I am really?  What am I doing here?  Should I go left or right?  Speak or stay silent?  Do these pant make me look like I have any butt at all?  yeah.... I'm hiding out for sure.

And so friends, in closing... I'll only say I'm happy we're doing this.... think it's a good thing.  For all of us.

The Reading Garden, Biloxi Miss.

Time

Today I walk the beach thinking about how much time has gone by since my last post.  (2009)  Not only that, but that this is my second blog.  I dumped the first one.  But then I go back in my mind and remember how long we have known each other... and all the things we have been through and how things have changed.  I was still in grad school.  Seems to me,  I remember Diane coaxing me to start blogging again so I did.  I was teaching and still living in that place I hated so much.  Then I decide to start playing guitar again, I found I could play again without my hands giving me hell.  And music is a passion for me.  It has saved me, many a time.

I remember Ginny before she was even pregnant with Sam.  And he is now, what?  Six, I think... five or six.  Rachel's cemetery posts and the gator shots.  Mindy's cow photos.  Diane's swamp and door shots...  Penni quoting Merton (for certain).  My friday night photo on Bono.  Diane's butt crack shots from Shrove Tuesday parade.  Rachel and Jackson getting a new house... Mindy getting a house.
We have married off children, buried loved ones, moved, lost weight, gained weight, fallen in and out love.  And we are all older and wiser.  For the most part.  I remember Julie, Ginny and Diane hand holding me when I was sick.  And I thank you for that.  Many long phone conversations with Diane... sharing each others burdens, delighting in our joys... all of that.   After another health crisis that catapulted me to get off my a** and put my house on the market and come home.  I did not want to die there, in that place I hated... I wanted to come home.  I waited two years for my house to sell... I remember Diane saying to me, "I don't think I could have sat patiently the way you did."  That was part of my lesson, along with many other things... patience and trusting that when God tells you he's going to do something, he does it.  In his time...  I sold, bought and moved back home in three weeks.  It made my head spin.
I sit here tonight on my porch looking at the sun setting.  Thinking about things now... Mindy my love... your support and sisterhood is a treasure.  You know, you are all treasures to me... most of us have never met... yet look at us... after all this time... we are still here... together.  Time.  I don't about mine, it doesn't matter to me.  I still have things to do.  We all do.  My friends boyfriend said me, there's no time like now.  Yes, Walt, you're right.
I didn't look at the prompt really because this was in my head to say.  And why I want to do this?  Does it matter?  Because we are all, like it or not, inextricably linked.  Think about it.  We have been very away from each other at all.  Why is that? What do you think?

Back in the saddle

well, my last post was dated 2009. It is July 2011. Wonder what that says.... many things have happened since then... most of it good. So since our little now collective, long time friends here are on face book together; Annie in her infinite wisdom decides we should group and start blogging again. You know I think it's a good idea. For me, now, where I am and in many ways, this will be good for me. So thanks Annie... as always... and I need to work on making some changes obviously too... just hope I don't break something. It's been a while, so patience is appreciated. I am looking forward to this. This is a good thing.