Mindy had this great idea and doing it over the course of 10 weeks is even cooler. This weeks topic is secrets. And as I'm walking on the beach a little while ago getting rained on, trying to think, exactly what secrets do I have? And does half knowledge count... then I'm thinking well, this is more like self disclosure. Which I have huge issues with. So accordingly, I'll make that secret #1.
1. Self disclosure- while I am absolutely very verbal, I am also very touchy about self disclosure and protecting my privacy. I will tell what I want you to know. Which to leads to #2.
2. I am sicker than I tell people. There are people, yes even friends and family, that are clueless about what is going on with me. I do this for several reasons. I never ever want to be seen as a "sick" person. I am healthy person who has a life threatening and life limiting illness. Period. I am not my disease.
3. Last year someone I know and cared deeply about physically assaulted me. No one else knows except my clergy and the psychologist I went to after the fact. It happened right around the time I started my treatment. This round of chemo caused me to be depressed. So the Dr. put me on Prozac. That's how I ended up at the psychologist. She never really addressed the issue. I am (was) a nurse, I have a BA in psych and an MA in Theology. Nothing prepares you for something like that. It's freaking humiliating.
4. I ran off and got married after I graduated from high school. My parents had the marriage annulled by the family lawyer. I was 17, just turned, and on my way to college. So was he, we thought it was practical.
5. Food stamps? Yup. Bankruptcy? That too. Live on 180.00 a month? uh-huh. Friends put roof over head so I can live? Yep. My husbands illness and death devastated us. I was sick too, and unable to take care of myself. That whole experience taught my independent little ass, that was always giving and doing for others how to receive and do it graciously.
6. I tell people I am fine when I am not. My Dad loved to point that one out. And I say I don't care when I do. Although, sometimes I actually don't care. That confuses people.
7. My mother was a drunk. I come from a family (on her side) of drunks. And I hate dealing with drunks. I can co dependent bull shit and mile and run like a maniac, because I hate it that much.
8. For as flip as I am and as bad as my mouth can get (it's better than it was), I am deeply rooted spiritually. I am not religious. I am spiritual. I am deeply connected to God and he is the only thing that matters truly in my life. And I don't believe in the triune. As it stands. And I'm not even going to qualify it.
9. Relating to the above, I am a first class introvert, all the way. I do alone extremely. I am happy alone. I love being alone. Enough said.
10. I really wasn't wearing underwear when I was sitting in the bar at Breakers talking to Dave Matthews.... I simply forgot to put them on. Yes I was wearing a dress. Yes he really does have the softest hands. (And the sweetest face)
6 comments:
That is an impressive list.
You do self-disclosure pretty well. As well as you want, and that's cool.
Lord, Lori. Some of these things I knew, some I suspected and some were a total shock.
Now I sort of feel like a heel of a friend for not being there (but not wanting people to know your secrets will cause you to pull away from people).
I don't know that it's much of a secret, but you are also a strong and feisty little woman, and I admire that in you!
Thank Di, yeah I am strong and feisty..... that what makes me crazy, laughing and keeps me going.
You guys, truthfully are safe for me.... And you, my friend, you and I have talked so much, we know each other pretty well, and both of us play it pretty close to the vest.
Anyway, thank you for your kind words as always. You're always a good budlet and always will be.
I laughed and I cried. How did I miss that you had posted this?
I hate what you have been through. I hate even more that you are still going through it without the support system that I think that you deserve.
On giving...you said that you had learned how to receive and do it graciously. I love that part the best. I hate when I really feel moved to do something for someone and they refuse or downplay it. I miss the blessing of doing.
Love you.
Oh and the Dave one...FREAKIN LOVE IT YOU LITTLE SLUT PUPPY! lol
Oh Mindy, my Mindy,..... you make my day... my week, my month.... I am that... you bet..... the softest hands.... oof..... for the record I was covered and no one saw anything, to the best of my knowledge.
And too I thank you from my heart for your love and support. It means so much to me, you have no idea.
And you are SO right about denying someone the blessing of giving. It is so important to be able to do that...
Love you pink puffies.....
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