Love

Sometimes love looks different when your older...

I got this note today, that he asked me this morning to remind him to tell me of something he thought of at 4:30 a.m driving home from taking his son to the airport.  He said it was about he and I.  Us he said.  I really didn't know what to expect.

What I got surprised me


 **Ok, this is kinda heavy duty(at least for me it was)-I was thinking how great it was that we got back in touch and how wonderful you are to me and what a cruel twist of fate it would be that now I finally found my happiness and just as we're to get together all the stuff you're fighting with in your physical life snatches you away from! It freaked me out and I got to talking to God about "it ain't right after all I've put up with and all you've been through too! It was just such a scarey thought!**


We talked a little about it after he sent that.  He was afraid to say anything because he worried that I would badly of his projecting my death.. I said oh you know me better.

I asked him what God said back to him.. after he signed off and went to sleep. In the morning there will likely be an answer..

My response to him was in part things we had already talked about, but in fragments... why after all these years.. and how it was a gift for both of us.  It's not only the remembering what was then, but that there is love that never changes... I loved that boy..all those years ago... and because of both our lives, while in tandem were going to end up going in different directions.. there was a peaceful parting.  I talked to him before I got married to tell him. He was happy for me.  

There was always a place of residence in my heart for him... just because... it was that unconditional love that is so rare and so hard to find and truly is a gift.  And that is what we have today.  That no matter, we still have that.

What prompted that fear thought was that my kidneys were in trouble last week, I had a rough week.  I didn't tell him, but mentioned something last night about having a meltdown, to which he inquired the nature thereof, and I could never lie to this guy, I can't soft soap or fool him.... that's how well he knows me.  And how well I know him.
I just hit the highlights, but he's smart enough to know what it all meant.  Thus his thought process this morning and getting little sleep too.

And for love... I don't know..not anymore.  I thank God this man, that boy who I fell so hard for so many years ago, is a man who talks to God... and who listens.  He was a gift then and he still is.  It is that.. one thing that in life, is unconditional.  Like God's love for us, that we have so much trouble accepting... so many people can't even look at it... for fear they are not worthy.  If I am loved by God as I know that I am, then I can turn with that love to someone else, and give them that very same thing.  That's is what we are called to do.  I didn't say it was easy... but it's a gift... and when you ask God for something and he hands you a box wrapped up all neatly and lovely... and your hands are open and receiving. And he places that gift in your hands and says to you..here's the deal...  he's part of the package.  It does give you pause... oh yes it does... but oh is it worth it.. yes. On both.