Fifty Seven

This is the way it looks to me.  I don't always like what I see.  I look and see how the last year has taken a toll on me... it shows in my face.  My eyes.  No one notices.  I do.

It took me 50 years to like the way I looked. Yes, I was always that pretty blonde... but my sense of discomfort came from my growing up hearing, you're too fat, too short, too.... too everything... and nothing of that "too" was ever good.  You reach a point in your life where it doesn't matter... but, you still don't love yourself.  That for me came at 50.  When surrounded by people of all shapes, sizes, ages, and looking mostly like the circus was in town (not kidding) after spending the a couple months on the beach in St Pete... I looked around one day and said, "Lori, all these people are happy. What's wrong with you?"  
From that moment on I learned to love my tummy.

And the rest of me.  I hear now... you're too thin... too this, too that... "I'll fatten you up"  I'm not a farm animal...  I know I need to put on ten pounds.
I also know how out of shape I am... and you will look at me and think "you have got to be joking??"  No, I'm not.. I need exercise.. like we all do... I need it because it helps my body... not so I can look good... it's healthier for me..  
I am lean... I have never been a large person... I will be always be short.  
Does it really matter?  I look at people when they say these things.. and wonder... through my squinted eyes... "what the hell are you really saying?"
What sort of vision of me do you have, since you really don't know me...
judged by appearance. 

I didn't intend for this to sound like this... it's my temporary fugue state this week....  
I'm going to add a couple more photos... I'm going to preface them by saying I hate having my photo taken... much less take myself.... however... some of them are fun.... for me....

What beach hair really looks like

Oh yes and naked... 

The End...