My Little List of Wonders 

Diane came up with a good idea about making lists... I think it's a good one since there are so many things we wonder about some real, some not.  It seems not to matter and then too, who do you ask about the things you wonder even if they seem to make sense.  My list isn't in any order of import or wonder... some are old, some new, some one my list of things I want to ask God when I see him,  some real, some very unreal.  Some things I shouldn't even be wondering at all.  Human enough, I still do.  


What's up with fire ants?  Why?

Why this man won't leave me alone?  

How the hell I am going to get out of the debt incurred trying to save my skin?

Why did I choose to save my life?

Why I have never gotten mad at God?

Why I am using questions marks at the end of each of these rather than a period, am I asking a question or simply making a statement?

What the sun does behind the those really cloudy days when the sky seems so low?

If I should go back to school.

If I should move.

Why my patience level runs so thin these days.

Why my heart seems so fragile along with my lack of patience.

Why my grief burns so much deeper now.

Is there really life somewhere "out there" in space?

Is there really life here?

Yes there really are mermaids.

That I never lose my sense of awe and wonder when I see the ocean each and every time.

How is it that I find so much there?

How close I am to God there by the water especially in the water.

How I survived living away from it.

What happened in my Mothers life to turn her into the nasty drunk she was.

Why my Charlie would write a song about me.

Who writes songs about women they meet?

What kind of man does that?

Why are souls are so connected.

Where those who confuse religion with God get their info.

Where the culture of "I deserve" came from.

Why we often fail to see what is truly important in our lives.

How does that happen?

Why we find it so incredibly difficult to accept unconditional love.

Why we so often see ourselves as unlovable.

Why mean ass people don't self implode and vanish from the face of the earth.

Where babies really come from.

Why Johnny's bread is so dang good.

How hard people struggle to avoid anything dying.

And then how they struggle to avoid living.

How they deem whose life is worth saving and who's is not.

How much music stirs my soul.

How much I love that feeling.

That every shell you see on the beach was at one time a living thing.

How we cannot accept that we are a host of contradictions.

What happens to us when we find ourselves truly hating ourselves.

Why men cheat.  Why women cheat.

Where are the angels really bowling when it's thundering.

I never wonder about angels because I know they exist.

Where the moon gets her beauty.

Why I am so taken with her beauty.

Why I hate it when it's really windy.

Why I am struggling again with my body image.

How I differentiate killing a bug from refusing to take something live from the water.

How we decide killing is okay.

What lengths will I go to save myself from myself.

Why I stopped making art.

When did I become old?

Why wasn't I warned?

Where does fat really go when you lose it?

Where is my other diamond earring?

Why I am still here.

How much I miss my Dad.  

Why I don't miss my husband as much as my Dad.

How I seem to see and understand things others don't.

Why some people can't and won't cook.

What happened to manners?

Why I don't shut up after telling myself to be quiet.  (in my head)

Why I talk  when I am nervous.

Why some people automatically repel me and make me run for the hills.

Why people like football.

How did the man who invented the shower do it... god bless him.

Same for indoor plumbing.

Why I am.

Why I save weird stuff.  i.e.  feathers, bird eggs, rocks et al.

Where my paper fetish came from.

Same for pens and pencils.

Where do socks go when they disappear?

What color my hair is.

How I can still be my own worst enemy.

Where does rain really come from.

Where am I?

What am I doing?

Why I ask myself that.

Why I feel like I am not.

Why I let things people say now get under my skin.

Where did my ability go to tell them they have so done.

Why it will bug the crap out of me until I beat it to death then let it go

Why I can't let go of some things

Especially things I wonder.

Why I still have the unending need to "understand" things that are close to my heart.

When the list will end.

I don't think it ever does.

Where I got the habit of saying something wonders me.

What I wanna be when I grow up.

Will I ever?

When will it all end?