Back in the saddle

well, my last post was dated 2009. It is July 2011. Wonder what that says.... many things have happened since then... most of it good. So since our little now collective, long time friends here are on face book together; Annie in her infinite wisdom decides we should group and start blogging again. You know I think it's a good idea. For me, now, where I am and in many ways, this will be good for me. So thanks Annie... as always... and I need to work on making some changes obviously too... just hope I don't break something. It's been a while, so patience is appreciated. I am looking forward to this. This is a good thing.

Friday Gripe List

I thought I'd sit here with a timer and see how many gripes I can crank out in less than five minutes.

Ready, set.........go!

friends who ask you to pray for them but don't tell you what for because they want to know what you're praying for them for.... to check to see if they're.... what? Correct? In alignment with God's will? If I am over here with a magic 8 ball and a ouija board? All of the above. (that's a whole other post I will have to write)

cousin and friend trade in perfectly decent and comfortable Mercedes to buy a piece of crap BMW and Porsche SUV respectively. Neither of which are comfortable to ride in. Like sitting on a bag of rocks. I just don't get it.....

someone who constantly asks me to do something, sets date and time and then fails to not only show up but no phone call either. What's up with that crap?

people who go to work sick, or drag their kids out when they're sick... I know I am old school, but back in the dark ages, when I was a floor nurse in the hospital, you didn't come to work sick. And if you did, you were sent home, with a stern warning.

as usual my bi-weekly visit to grocery that doesn't ever go well. Like I said to manager, if shelf is empty...someone must have bought the stuff. Right? Makes sense? So what's the problem with reordering? This is third week in a row. Three strikes and you're out.

me always forgetting to write things down to ask Annie about in photoshop. I just made a list.

people who forget that when you get good, you also get bad......and that YOU are the one that determines in your own little pea brain which is good and which is bad for" you", and therefore the rest of the planet must align themselves with your values.......... get a frigging grip on yourself.

times up
I'm outta here.

Yahrzeit

I haven't posted since forever, between the holidays and day to day life, times just whizzes by.

Yesterday was the 1o year anniversary of my hubby's death.  A decade.  Decade sounds more significant, at least in my head.

I spent the day in my relatively normal fashion, whatever that means.  Had my haircut.  Dodging the flooding rains we've been having.  Went to grocery.  Cooked.  You know normal.

The evening brings a different picture.  When the sun goes down, the candlelight becomes more evident.  I sit and read the prayers.  I say Kaddish, like I do every year.  I read from the Gates of Prayer, if only to remind myself that it is in living that we best serve and honor those who have left us.  It is what we are called to do, to remember; being grateful for the memories and to live, as though they were still among us.  We consider all these that we have been blessed with and we are filled with gratitude.  That is the intent.  It fills me with peace.  I close my book and sit a moment and smile.  I feel rested.

Sometime last fall, the approaching decade mark hit my radar.  I felt it was the beginning of a turning point for me, and has continued to evolve that way.  When I went home for Easter and sat in the new sanctuary for the Good Friday evening Taize service, I realized they had reversed the interior.  What used to be the back was now the altar and vice versa.  I sat there, again in the candlelight, and looked behind me, remembering all that had transpired "back there" but that I was now facing a different direction.  I was very aware of this change and the change within myself as well.  When I was leaving, I told Fr. I had come, "just for this."  Just for that moment.  

Yesterday morning in my quiet time, I prayed my same opening, thankful for a day unlike any other.  Each day, while seeming the same to us, routine and for some boring, is a day unlike any other.  When you can look through your day that way, a decade becomes a blink. Like taking a breath.

Implications

Funny thing the other morning me thinking about how we fail to consider what we do always has an effect somewhere along the line.  On ourselves, others or both.  

And we do it in both speech or action.  Not fully appreciating what exactly others see or hear.

How difficult is it for us to match our words and our actions?  Try paying attention to that for a while and see what happens.  It's like observing your own thoughts.  Bystanders beware!

Self Pacification

I needed this.........

Unplug

This week I have have three techno gadgets in my house crap out on me, for no apparent reason other than the planets are out of alignment. So after quite a bit on tinkering and reading manuals,
I did what I always seem to do and that is hit the reset button, then unplug. Works every time.
Good life lesson in there; when all else fails just hit the button and unplug.

Waiting

Or maybe more like idling in neutral. This is, or has the potential to be a strange week for me.
Tomorrow is the 8 year anniversary of the death of my Dad and being a Daddy's girl that's a huge thing. Friday is the 6 year anniversary of a much beloved friend, who died after a way more than valiant fight with ovarian cancer. Wedged in between these is Thursday and I will be on "duty" that day. My dearly departed's best friend is having a tumor removed from his kidney so I'm on the night shift his first night post op. We talked last night. He's glad I will be there. I am glad I will be there. I am inextricably woven with his family. They are "my family." They are the ones who can walk in and camp and know where everything is. Same goes when I go to their house. And where am I going with this? I'm reading Jules recount of her D Day as she calls it. Her story and walk into faith touch me deeply. And it is the Lenten season which is my favorite time of year.
The ash reminds me that we are just that. Ash. During Lent I become profoundly introverted and introspective. Yes, even though I'm all ga-ga over the new U2 CD! I still allow myself to snap! But the whole picture of the week is not lost on me, I still see him sitting at my husband's beside at 6 a.m. and the whole wave just rolls back and washes over me. Like a holy bath the water is cleansing, not overpowering. And for me, I will sit in peace and wait this through because I know that this is what I am always called to do.